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Archive for March, 2010

Whenever anyone says “Nothing to see here, folks – move along” it’s obvious that they’re hiding something super interesting or secretive and I should stop at once and crane my neck in any way possible to try and see Nothing. Of course, no one actually ever says that to me since I live in real life and not in a movie. Which I’m reminded of all too often. The last time I was in Austin I decided to be adorable and go get coffee at this great local coffee shop on the lake. I brought a book and my notebook so I could be all cerebral as I enjoyed the sun on the water. I also brought my computer, which completely negated the first two and guaranteed I’d be spending my time scouring the interwebs, obsessively reloading websites and stalking people – mainly myself- on facebook. All three were packed in my fabulous oversized tote, slung carelessly over my shoulder. Oh, this thing? Yeah, I just picked it up somewhere. Sure goes great with my hipster flowy top though, huh? Not that I planned it. These things just happen to me. I was delicately holding my oversized mug and saucer in one hand as I alighted from the upstairs, running my other hand along the rough wood on the stair railing. I’m sure I was thinking some self inflated thought about how picturesque this was. La la la, glowing hipster happy thoughts.. Oh dagnabbit! A splinter! Owch that’s in kinda deep. Better hold my hand in front of my face so I can inspect. Don’t stop walking though! Everyone who is watching you – duh, everyone – will probably just think you’re dong a palm reading or something awesome they don’t even know about. Step! Holy toledo, that sure hurts! Oh – step! – maybe i can pinch it out. I forget about coffee in other hand until I raise it to use as a pincher. For whatever reason, this doesnt stop me from thinking I can still make use of my limb. I sort of swat at my hand with my elbow, sloshing coffee and clearly accomplishing nothing. Don’t question my reasoning here, there was none. Of course the cross body elbow jab threw me off balance and when I tried to catch myself my fabulous oversized tote only intensified the imbalance. Mental picture: left hand in front of face, right arm awkwardly in waitress sort of position with elbow paused in confusion near left hand, coffee burning right hand, splinter splinting left hand, left hip jutted out to try and stop tote from swinging, feet on different steps, eyes staring at the two remaining steps stubified with a deer in headlights sort of expression. That’s all in a split second. Then the fall. More of a stumble really, but I’m going for dramatic effect. Managed to not go completely spread eagle and caught myself on my knees. Ahhh mother of pearls and bacon and swine. My kneeeeeeeees. Pull it together woman, stand up. OH POTATO SALAD. Don’t use that hand to leverage yourself. Remember the SPLINTER. But the other hand has coffee.. dont waste the coffee.. Uhoh, human like shadow cast over me. Wow this shadow belongs to a really attractive person. Probably he wont notice how strange this whole situation is right? He stares down at me, offers a confused/pity filled chuckle and says “Excuse me.” I’m blocking his way to the stairs. Cause that’s how real life goes in my world. Whateves. I pick up myself and a scrap of dignity I found on the floor and headed to a table. Out comes the computer. I think I’ll put on some hulu in the background, see how this situation should have turned into me meeting the love of my life. Let’s see, power button. There we go. Dum dee dum. Sip of coffee. Maaane, aint much left in this cup after all that spillage. Ah, good computer. On. Wait! What? Blerrrrrrr home depot paint chips. Battery dead. Cancel this noise. Ima head out. Finish coffee, pack it in. aaaaand scene.

My life as a comedy of errors.

Duh, this is not my bag. That is unreal.

Most people would recommend tweezers over elbows when it comes to splinter removal.

And splinter is apparently the name of this creature that I found while searching images. Despite his zen like pose, I'm terrified. Reminds me of bad guys from All Dogs Go to Heaven. And from my nightmares.

And a cartoon about spilling coffee. Except this is pretty real, seeing how I am a waitress and have spilt coffee on people. I tell them it's ok though, cause I do it to myself all the time.

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The same thing happened around this time last year. About a month earlier I guess. It’s time to make things happen regarding The Next Step and moving towards Long and Short Term Goals in Life. Last year I decided that I would be teaching for America in Fall 2009. I decided this in about December of 2008. After letting two deadlines pass me by, I frantically applied on the night of the last due date, hitting submit mere minutes before the application was due. Still, I was confident that this is where my life was heading and they would have to be fools to not accept me, flaws and all.

Well, after a telephone interview they decided I was the fool for thinking this was meant to be. I wont even go into how unfair it is to judge me this way, since i rarely communicate by phone because mine is perpetually dead, lost or damaged, or the fact that I panic when I am expected to speak on the phone or call people and ask for things, as demonstrated in my internship of 2007 when I called to ask to speak to someone, was informed they passed away last week, I shrieked and hung up the phone, or calling to ask camp parents to submit papers I requested “Hi, Mrs. Potts, Jessica this is. Could you papers the fax need we thanks?” Now, I’m not alwaaays this awkward. But often.

I was devastated. And I for real won’t go into that whole breakdown, except to say I felt completely lost with plan or desire to do anything else.
When the going gets tough, the though get going. And so I decided to flee the country and pressures of grown up life and responsibility. Graduated in May, worked/bummed around Austin for the summer, half-heartedly painted my green room white(ish), headed back to Sugar Land for a bit of working and plenty of weddinging, then it was off to Rome. And I guess that’s where this blog picked up.

Traveling was so great, and so perfect for me. Minimal schedules and time restraints, no due dates, and when I messed things up, I could fix them and figure it out without too much stress, because it was all up to me. Plenty of time for wandering, thinking, writing, questioning and just being content in the moment. Happiness.
Cut back to Sugar Land. Two months went way way too quickly, but so did my money. Despite my promise to myself to ‘find a plan’ when I was gone, I came back broke and still virtually planless. In Portugal I did decide that I would work at our local bar when I returned, to save money and regroup. Made it happen like the captn, and that’s where I’ve been. At some point, decided that I would do a teach abroad program. Deadlines for Thailand passed with me not having the money, application or cajones necessary to do it. Next choice, Spain, which would be incredible and I got really excited about, even telling people this was what I would be doing. I am not one to really broadcast future plans because mine so often fall through or change and then I hate having to go back and explain or qualify the new situation.

All of this brings me to where I am now: Sitting at my desk, just remembering to put on the new Gorillaz album that took way too long and way too many updates and restarts to procure, surrounded by dumped out (clean!) laundry waiting to be folded, bed covered in curriculum papers that need to be transformed into 10 weeks of amazing, sticky notes, lists and random thoughts scribbled on papers across my desk, writing a pointless blog update. This is problematic since what I should be doing is filling out my Spain application which is due BY today. And I’m not even sure if that means I already missed the deadline. And I don’t have my letters of recommendation because I kept putting off asking people to write them because I hate to impose and worry they might not really think I’m qualified. And I kinda think that I’m not qualified since I only sort of speak Spanish. And I don’t want to get rejected again. I don’t know why I do this to myself. And I know it’s all my fault. Blahbloobleeeblergblah. Whatever. I’m going to fill out the application and let someone else decide where my life is headed. It often turns out best when I stop trying to plan. Probably because the universe gets a little confused when I attempt to do something I know nothing about.

“Most people she never tells about the tightrope because she doesn’t want to listen to their helpful comments from the ground. ”
– Brian Andreas, Story People

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life:
It goes on.”
-Robert Frost

Pity party over, thank you for attending. Even if it was accidental.

And a funny, because I’d hate for people to feel blerg-ish after reading all this mumbo jumbo.
I WONT BE PART OF YOUR SYSTEM!
http://www.funnyordie.co.uk/videos/e4e2187156/andy-samberg-i-threw-it-on-the-ground

aaand one of my favorite things in a while.
my future roommate’s craigslist ad.
http://i.imgur.com/SWraG.png

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I hate dreams where I am at work. And they happen way too often. I spend too much real time mostly awake there and don’t enjoy being haunted by the place while I’m trying to recooperate from all the time spent there.

And of course they’re always bad. In this dream it was about 3am, a solid hour after we are closed, and there are some people still hanging out, but no one seems to care. I care. I want to sleep. (Even though I am sleeping, I dream about wanting to sleep. My brain knows it’s cheating me.) More things happen, and I end up taking a nap in a booth while the two other girls working do actual work and talk about me. They don’t seem bothered that I am choosing to catch some zzz’s while they work this unexplained overtime. Of course, the conversation turns to me – as all things do in my dreams. Hello, they’re creations of my self absorbed mind. And in their conversation I’m ‘the new girl’ without a name. They agree I’m nice (duh) but one says she’s a little scared of me (nice! intimidation = power, right!). More talk, then they reach the agreement that I am “intense. and not always in a good way. lyke, sometimes i think she might be thinking about burning this place down. but sometimes maybe she’s thinking about how to live in the amazon curing cancer and open a store that recycles dolphins.” (again, my brain is cheating by putting real/half real thoughts of mine into their conversations about me. not sure how the dolphin thing would work out, though.) Then I snore really loud – in my dream, maybe in life too though – and wake myself up and go roll silverware with them and pretend I didn’t hear anything. We carry all the tables into some large back room with a swimming pool and call it a night.

Sorry my first post in forever is about dreams. No one really likes to listen to other people’s dreams, and I didn’t put a lot of effort into making this one interesting to read. I probably should have written about how I bought tickets to Ecuador and recently read a Wikipedia article on the country, since I know virtually nothing about it. But I’ll do that next time. Unless something else comes out of my finger tips and onto the monitor.

Feeling a little self absorbed today, so in an effort to be more sensitive to the needs and wants of others, I’m giving away some of my cards FOR FREE! Because obviously, people would want things I make. That’s just a fact, not narcissistic. Ha. Anyway. Find 3 that you want on http://www.jessicacarpenter.moonfruit.com and let me know where to send them. But the deal is, you MUST become an ambassador of making me rich and famous. Or at least send the cards. Or tell people about them. Or think of me fondly or something.

Muuuuuuuusssssiiicccc.
SXSW is taking over Austin starting this weekend. Jealous that I’m not there to participate in all the maddness/freeness/awesomeness, but it’s looking like I’ll be back in Austin for the summer! (Oh, I’ll write about that too. Next.)
I actually barely know any of the bands that are coming, but that’s also what makes it so great. You can stumble into any party or venue and get introduced to great new music. Here are a few recommendations from my friend Eleanor. She has a blog and I would link you too it, but I can’t find the link. EB, if you read this, send it to me 🙂


Local Natives, Stranger Things


Frightened Rabbit, Modern Leper

Vampire Weekend, Giving Up the Gun
Their appearance on SNL made me love them even more, and I didn’t think that was possible. You’ve got to watch a commercial first, but it’s worth it. (Plus, some people even like commercials. And hope to possibly get paid one day for making them.) So adorable, so talented. In Austin April 11, which is wonderful. Except they’re sold out and GirlTalk is preforming a free show @UT on the same day. But, GirlTalk will also be in Houston in June for a festival. I’m thinking use birthday $$ for VW tickets then see GT in June. Just can’t let myself miss them.


Hot Chip, One Life Stand
Yes, please. They’ll be at Coachella, where unfortunately I do not think I will be able to be. Still waiting on some big announcements from Bonnaroo, hoping they will be one.


Regina Spektor, The Hotel Song
Today’s title inspiration.

Oh, and I went to the rodeo. Loooove me some Houston Rodeo.
Mutton Bustin’ anyone!? Incredible.

yes, that really happens.

best friend wrap aroudn 3D photo.

Grimaldis Crew + Grimaldis Groupie

Post mutton bustin, Pre Kenny Chesney

Please excuse my wayward arm and generally awkward stance. This is a perfect photograpic representation of me and the best.

Alllllllright well that was pretty long for how pointless it is.

Today’s to-do list:
1. Make to-do list (always my first item.. CHECK!)
2. Bank (prob not happening)
3. CVS (highly unlikely)
4. Start/Finish Teach in Spain application (due Monday. PANIC.)
5. Filter through 1,00+ emails in my UT account that is being deactivated tomorrow. (hahaha, right.)
6. Finish 4 weeks of curriculum, 2 of which I realized were due last week. (hm.)
7. Fold clean basket from closet (clean and dirty have become almost indistinguishable. This item might should be ‘do laundry’ but that sounds pretty daunting.)
8. Help Julie write contest entry for free wedding photography (must. do.)
9. Scrapbook
10. Work out
11. Read short story
12. Write short story (I always throw 9-12 on my list in hopes that I’ll finish everything else and get around to it, or for once make them a priority. probs not today.)
13. Teach English (DONE)
14. Eat greasy Mexican food that I shouldn’t (DONE)
15. Take nap instead of spending quality time with sister before she goes back to the cold far north (damn. DONE.)
Always got to add a few accomplishments.
Ok, well I guess it’s about time to get started on the day! Yep, 4:29. Perfect.

Peace, Love, MK.

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